


Bughead in: The Mystery of the Missing Pacifier

by Toryb



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Investigating a Day Care, Jughead Jones is meant to be a dad one day, just an excuse to have my children take care of the babies, this is silly okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 11:55:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14831844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toryb/pseuds/Toryb
Summary: Betty and Jughead agree to take Juniper and Dagwood to the Mommy and Me class Polly has for them. Little do they know a mystery is afoot, even if it's on a small scale.





	Bughead in: The Mystery of the Missing Pacifier

**Author's Note:**

> Had so much fun writing this for the Bughead Family Investigations in Stage Places. Glad to finally have it finished. This is nothing but fun fluff, nothing serious, just good times abound.

“Betty, do you know where Woody’s pacifier is?” Polly called from the kitchen.

It had been nearly a year since Polly had moved back into the house. The twins were nearly two, and the disarray constantly present in both the kitchen and the young mother’s mind was proof enough of that. Even perfect Alice Cooper was having a hard time dealing with terrible toddlers running amuck in her spotless residence. On more than one occasion, she would take Polly and retreat to a spa weekend getaway, leaving Betty, only seventeen years old and studying for her SATs, in charge of the twin duty.

Twin duty wasn’t so bad though. Most nights, she would call Jughead and he would spend the night. It was a glimpse into the distant future that made her heart beat a little too fast and her palms get a little too sweaty—but also reminded Jughead to pick up condoms the next time he was at the pharmacy. Birth control pills were functional, but it was better to be safe than sorry, especially given her familial predisposition to an early conception.

Tonight was not a weekend spa getaway, but it was one of the many occasions Betty had volunteered her babysitting service to take Dagwood and Juniper—Woody and June as her mother, and every other sane person, liked to call them—to the ‘Mommy and Me’ baby cardio place that had recently cropped up in Central Riverdale. Jughead was accompanying her tonight, mostly because she needed an adult who wasn’t going to assume she was someone who belonged on “fifteen and pregnant”, but also just because she missed her boyfriend. He’d been busy with the Serpents lately. With the Ghoulie threat still heavy in the air, though not as bad as it once had been, he tried his best to keep the peace.

“I haven’t seen it. Why is it lost?” Betty asked.

It was common knowledge in the Cooper household that Woody was hard to handle. He liked to have his fingers in everything, and when he didn’t get his way, the Blossom genes would rear their ugly head and he would stomp and throw like Aunt Cheryl had taught him. Most days, the only thing that could calm him down was his pacifier. Without it, there would be unrest throughout the land. Or at least just the neighborhood.

Before they had a proper panic, the doorbell rang and in walked Jughead, holding a few groceries Polly had asked him to pick up before coming over. He had a key to their house that got frequent use—even if sometimes he still preferred the window. The jacket fit snugly around his broad shoulders like it always did. Betty smiled and planted a kiss on his lips in gratitude for his bounty.

“Thank you Juggie. We were out of milk and the twins weren’t going to stand it much longer without something to put in their cereal.”

“I do what I can,” he squeezed her hand before swooping Juniper up in a tight hug. “Hey pretty Princess. Did you miss me?”

The young girl squealed and planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “Uh huh! Miss Juggie!”

Juniper loved no one, except maybe her mother, more than Jughead. Everyone in the house was painfully aware of her young devotion to her favorite Uncle. Sometimes, you could see Cheryl fuming in the corner, muttering about how she had ‘given them solace during times of crisis’ in her very own home and they ‘still preferred the hobo.’

Betty liked the help he offered when things got too tough for her to handle on her own, but, selfishly, she also just loved sitting back and watching him interact with them. He was a natural born child handler. If one of them was screaming, he could quickly figure out what the reason was, even if someone else had been trying for nearly an hour to calm the wails. No doubt it was from years of raising Jellybean all on his own. He had told her stories about the nights his parents would both up and leave, too enthralled by their own petty argument to remember they had two young children to be taking care of. She was just three the first time it happened, and an eleven-year-old Jug had spent the night getting her to sleep, even if it was in his bed.

“I missed you too. Are we all set for the class? We should head out before it gets any later.”

“Well, funny you should mention it. We’ve got a case of the missing pacifier and I think you two are perfect for the case,” Polly smiled and laughed. “Isn’t solving mysteries like your thing? Freddy and Daphne or something?”

“Obviously we’re a Velma and Shaggy. My appetite and her wit are unrivaled,” Jughead whispered, picking up the floral-patterned diaper bag. Somehow, it looked just as good on him as the leather jacket did.

Betty took Dagwood from his mother’s arms. “You can count on us, Poll.  I bet it’s probably just at the studio. Maybe one of the other kids picked it up or something on accident.”

“Can you give me a detailed description of the missing object? Or the potential suspects?” Jughead teased. She nearly smacked his arm, but from the roll of Polly’s eyes, she decided this was an opportunity too good to pass up.

“Object is lime green on the top, with cursive font that says Mommy’s Little Prince. The outside trim is white with a yellow sucker top,” Betty played along until her and her boyfriend were both giggling. “As for suspects, what do you say Miss Cooper? Any leads?”

For a moment, it looked like Polly might not answer them. But then she sighed and spoke, “Well there’s that kid Dylan who’s always taking Woody’s things away from him. That’s a good place to start. He’s the one always in those obnoxious monkey overalls. Like have some self-respect for your children.” Polly froze. “Oh my God, I’m sounding just like Mom. Quick, get out of here before I start telling you the best peach pie recipe and snooping through your jacket to look for a condom receipt. Which, by the way, I already know is in there, because you’re way smarter than Jason and I were. Maybe we were Freddy and Daphne.”

With a kiss to each of her children’s heads and a promise to Betty and Jughead that she would try to be back before it was time to put the twins down for bed, they were off on their separate ways. Jughead’s motorcycle wasn’t practical for baby carrying, so they ended up Betty’s sensible sedan, complete with baby seats and a yellow ‘baby on board’ sticker hanging from the back window.

The Mommy and Me facility was something out of a Winnie the Pooh story book. The walls were painted in dreamy pastel pinks and blues, with little white clouds floating in the background over a field of random assorted flowers. A yellow painted sun smiled from the left side corner and Betty tried not to flinch. Primary colored foam blocks were stacked up in an almost Baby Olympic triathlon. Jughead nudged her gently and pointed to one of the red round holes.

“Do you think we could convince Archie to try and put his head in there?”

“Wouldn’t he get stuck?”

“Come on Betty, you know that’s the exact reason I’d be asking him to do it!”

She could feel people turning their heads, older mother’s looking down on her as she and her boyfriend toted in the twins. A group in the corner whispered rude things she tried to ignore. No wonder Polly didn’t like to come to these classes. She got enough of the shame in her own home. This was walking into a lion’s den.

Jughead ignored them better than she did. He was hyper focused on little June, bouncing in his arms. She was mesmerized by everything around them, curious trying to toddle towards the large obstacles while her brother sat in Betty’s lap. Woody reached out for his aunt’s hand and took her thumb in his mouth.

“Oh right,” she snapped her fingers. “We have a case to solve, don’t we Detective Jones? There’s a missing pacifier that needs our utmost attention. Or we’re going to have a cranky Woody to deal with later.”

“Detective Cooper you are absolutely right. There’s a mystery afoot. Right, so our suspects. Which one is Dylan, I don’t remember? We should have a word with him and his mother about the item in question.”

Betty scanned the room, looking for any sign of the little boy with the fuzzy hair and stupid overalls that Polly had described. Naturally, she was with the gaggle of women in the corner who had been cruel to them the moment they walked in. No wonder Polly had such negative opinions regarding them.

“I’ll go in first. Take June over there and see what we can figure out. You walk around with Woody and see if there’s anything hidden in the corners that might be a clue.”

“Got it,” he leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss. “I knew there was a reason I loved you Betty Cooper.”

“It’s my detective’s intuition and my great hair.”

“It is definitely one or more of those things.”

With June in tow, she made her way to the back with a sunny Cooper smile on her lips. She was grateful in moments like this for how intense her mother had been on teaching her children proper manners. When Betty approached, the women cocked their heads and looked at her like she had just grown two extras of her own. One of them sneered and the other two rolled their eyes.

“Hi there. I’m Betty Cooper. This is my niece, Juniper.  I just wanted to come over and introduce myself since I doubt you’ve seen me around before. We’re filling in for mom today. That’s my boyfriend over there with June’s brother Woody.”

The women visibly relaxed once their preconceived notions were shattered. One even dared to smile politely at her as she spoke. “Great to meet you Betty. I’m Linda. This is my daughter Elise, and this is her friend Dylan and his mom Margaret.”

Dylan. That’s the boy she wanted to talk to. Well, maybe not talk to, she doubted he would even understand her. But maybe his mother would. Then again, she was the woman leading the disgusted looks, even now not daring to look at her for more than a second. When they were introduced, she shrugged.

Rudeness was something Betty had always hated. It had been instilled in her from her childhood that rudeness was the sign of an insecure and unkind person. Looking back, her mother’s hypocrisy was almost palpable. Still, she tried to regain her composure. Woody would never get his pacifier back if she didn’t at least try to play nice with this woman.

“I know who you are,” Margaret started. “You’re the Black Hood’s daughter. Not sure why your family still shows your face around here. And your sister, Polly, she had her twins so young too, and with a dead Blossom no less. I’d prefer if you weren’t around my little Dylan. You’re nothing but poison.”

Linda, for her part, actually gasped. “Margaret, that’s no way to speak to someone!”

The aftermath of her father’s crimes would follow them everywhere it seemed. She felt momentarily disheartened. Is this how life would be when she and Jughead had children, a constant worry about their day-to-day lives as they were mocked for not only the sins of their parents, but the sins of their grandparents? It left a bitter taste on her tongue.

“No, it’s fine,” Betty’s eyes narrowed. If they weren’t going to play nice than neither was she. Was a sickeningly sweet smile, she spoke again. “I just have one question for you. Did your son steal my nephew’s pacifier? It’s green and it went missing and I’ve got a good source saying that he’s got sticky fingers.”

“He’s two! I have no idea what you’re insinuating but I don’t appreciate it. He’s certainly not a thief.”

“Maybe not, but I think you could be. All I’m saying is that, if you find it, and it somehow ends up back in the diaper bag that we own, then lucky for all of us and we’ll leave you alone. Just think on what I said.”

When she joined her boyfriend and little June, her eyes still burning brightly, and her temper had not just calmed. Jughead raised an eyebrow and offered her his hand to squeeze. “Someone went dark Betty. I take it we don’t have the pacifier then?”

“Unfortunately not, but I do have someone else to add to the ever-growing list of Riverdale residents who could use a good knocking down from their high horses. How did things go on your end?”

Jughead sighed and shook his head. “Not well. We walked around, and Woody couldn’t spot a thing. I even dug behind one of those foam forts. By the way, would not recommend that. They’re filled with dust, bubblegum, and old teething toys. I have to bleach my hand or remove it when we get back to your place.”

“Don’t do that. I like that hand.”

He flushed. Betty watched as he sputtered, trying to come up with something clever to say, ultimately failing and moving his attention back to Woody, muttering, “Your aunt is trying to kill me.”

There was no more time for flirtations or investigations as the class began. Mommy and Me was something special that Betty would never cease to be amazed by. It was a lot of kicking feet and baby gymnastics that was both adorable and strange to behold. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of Jughead most of the time. He shined around children, excited to get Woody’s giggles however he could, even if it meant slightly disrupting the class proceedings.

Occasionally, people would shoot a glare their way, but Betty couldn’t find it in her heart to mind. There was a brief break for fruit snacks and juice—that Jughead ate most of, only sharing a few bites with June—where she heard a few women start up their whisperings again. She felt sorry for her sister and vowed to be a little more accommodating when she asked for Betty to accompany her next time.

When the class was finished, there was no sign of the pacifier.  Woody still hadn’t noticed much of a difference, but she knew when they returned home there would be hellfire raining down on the household.  Maybe on their way home they could pick up a new one from the store. Woody could pick it out and everything.

“We’re really losing our mojo, aren’t we? There needs to be more Riverdalian mysteries to solve so we can get better at this again.” Jughead packed up their things from the class, including the few free samples they’d been given to take back to Polly.

Disheartened, Betty nodded. Not solving mysteries was a feeling she hated, made her gut twist in uncomfortable knots—like the ones she’d made in girl scouts that were impossible to undo without a knife.

“Sippy?” June asked, rubbing her tired eyes and pointing to the diaper bag in Jughead’s arms. “Please?”

Ever the doting uncle, he reached inside and pulled out the Disney princess cup.  What fell from the pocket startled them both. A green pacifier with the words “mommy’s prince” printed in cursive.

“Well, mystery solved. Case closed. Bughead detective agency strikes again,” Jughead laughed, picking it up. Woody reached out with tiny hands, excited to have his pacifier back. “Oh, careful bud.  Let’s wash this off back home so you don’t get something and then you can have it back.”

“What do you think our commission should be?” Betty asked.

“One Pop’s milkshake with two straws. Vanilla and chocolate swirl.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not happening. Two Pop’s milkshakes. I know you and I wouldn’t get a single sip of that thing.”

“Guilty as charged. You can’t just put a milkshake in front of me and not expect me to drink the entire thing. But I get points for a romantic gesture, right?”

“To be decided.  As long as there’s more romantics later.  We have something to celebrate,” she pulled him in for a sweet kiss that left them both eagerly awaiting more.  Not for the first time that day, Betty found herself grateful that her mother and sister would be away from the night.  Hopefully, they wouldn’t be back until well after the twins were put to sleep and she’d had the chance at a little fun with her boyfriend.

He smiled when she released him.  “I love that brain of yours Betty.  Always coming up with the most amazing ideas.”

There was something about solving a mystery that always made her just a little bit horny.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @tory-b


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